


Let It Out

by Rowby



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, So much angst, there isnt any happiness in here at all, this is just a vent fic and there wont be anything added on lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 13:32:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15050180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowby/pseuds/Rowby
Summary: Heavy night of reflection after being alone for eight months.





	Let It Out

**Author's Note:**

> !MAJOR tw for self harm and all that!! This is a vent fic because what better way to express my worst emotions than slapping them onto caricatures of band members I love so much right???? (I need a therapist)

The only noises he heard was the roaring wind in his ears and the faint traffic down below. He counted the floors as he climbed the stairs, many times in the past, and it wasn't the first time he had a bottle of alcohol beside him, his phone face down playing music, and his legs dangling over the roof’s edge.

It was a quiet night, but he hated the quiet now. It was a lonely calmness, like he was sitting in the void with no light, no vision, just vague sounds and his own conscience. He wasn't even paying attention to the music, he was just listening to the white noise his brain had to offer.

He patted the roof next to him until he felt the bottle, then he brought it to his lips and let the liquid burn down his throat, just like memories burned through his mind.

 

■■■

 

“It's not that bad.”

“Don't lie to me. Please, hun, don't lie to me.”

“I'm not lying. It's fine.”

“If it's so fine, then pull your sleeve up.”

Awsten hesitated, his tears falling to the floor his eyes were directed up. “I'm fine.”

“Awsten,  _ please _ . Trust me.”

“I do!” He seemed to contradict himself to Geoff, as he only pulled his sleeves to cover his hands completely. “I just… I'm okay-” His voice turned breathless as he staggered towards Geoff his legs halfway failing. “I just don't feel good...”

As he stumbled closer, Geoff completely closed the distance between them and hugged him by his shoulders, trying to breathe. A familiar metallic smell hit his nose, and he barely managed to choke out, “We’re going to the hospital. I don't care if you say you're fine, you're not.” Slowly. He pulled back to study Awsten’s expression, a mix of depression and nothing. He didn't even fight back as Geoff pulled his sleeve up, then promptly gasp and stutter back. He almost gagged.

Awsten didn't even say anything as he held the sleeve up, examining the somewhat hole in his arm, done with a pair of scissors that were now hidden under his pillow. Blood pulsed out, now coating his hand, but he was too tired to even change his expression.

“ _ Awsten _ ,” Geoff gasped, fumbling in his pocket for keys. “baby, get to the car. Now.” He then came forward, taking him by the arm and having to half carry him down all five flights of stairs and through the parking lot.

“Geoff.” Awsten was so weak by the time he got into the car. He was breathing deep, with tears rolling down the sides of his face. “I’m… I'm sorry.”

“Don't start that,” Geoff hissed as he backed not of parking and started to drive. “Just hang in there, okay? You're gonna live, you're gonna be fine.”

“No, Geoff. Please...listen.” Awsten fumbled his uninjured arm around until he gently squeezed his elbow. “I'm  _ so sorry _ . I didn't tell you anything… ‘s my fault.”

“Stop it,” Geoff said through grit teeth. He turned onto the road and quickly sped past a red light. “Awsten, please don’t. Don't say shit like that,  _ please _ .” His voice started breaking as Awsten’s grip slipped away from his arm. “Listen to me, I don't care what you did or why, I still love you. Okay, I still love you an’ that's not gonna change.” He wasn't expecting an answer and wasn't surprised when only silence responded.

He continued. “We're gonna get you fixed up. You're gonna be fine. You'll send a few weeks in the hospital, maybe, but once we get home you're going to be fine. We can…” he took a hand off the wheel to wipe at his eyes before continuing in a choked voice. “We can get home and dance around and cook shitty dinner that We’ll eat anyways. We can watch stupid sitcoms and play Mario Kart, we're gonna be fine, Awsten.”

Still, no response.

As he slowed down to enter the hospital parking lot, he looked over at Awsten. “Hey, we’re here.”

Awsten was leaned back, his head lolled to the side.

It finally clicked with him when he parked and Awsten didn't give so much as a breath.

 

■■■

 

Geoff was done with his bottle, and he threw it over his shoulder, listening to it shatter on the concrete.

“Come up here often?”

Geoff didn't know who the voice was from, but he replied nonetheless. “What about it?”

“Just wondering.” The voice got closer as they asked, “So… do you usually sit with your legs dangling over like that?”

.”Doesn't matter.” He picked up his phone, paused the music, and tossed it back down.

Whoever it was sat down next to him, hanging his legs over the edge just as Geoff did. “What's got you up here?”

“Why do you care?” 

“‘Cause I've seen you walking past my apartment every day and coming up here. You okay, buddy?”

Geoff shrugged. To be honest, he didn't know himself. He felt...numb. it was a bad kind of numb where he's desperate to feel something, and whatever he is feeling is gray and dark. He wanted happiness again. “Guess not,” he finally answered. “I mean, I'm as okay as...um… I don’ wanna talk about it.”

The man was silent for a while. Then, he said, “Whatever it is, I can tell it getting to you pretty bad. I know you don't even know my name, but I'm worried about you. Would you be okay out here on your own?”

Geoff was about to ask what he was implying, but he knew damn well what he was worried about. He didn't know himself. He didn't know anything these days. Not without Awsten. “Prolly not.”

“Do you, uh… do you need company? I could get my roommate up here, too.”

Geoff shrugged. He couldn't trust himself alone, but how much company did he really want?  _ Whatever,  _ he thought,  _ better than being alone and killing myself.  _ “Sure,” he said. As a kind of nervous habit, he twisted the ring around his finger, tapping the heels of his feet on the building.

It wasn't long before the roof access door opened, and another pair of footsteps came up. “Hey,” the newcomer said, “I got the water, what's…” he trailed off, his eyes probably landing on Geoff. 

“Needed company,” Geoff said. “Got drunk. Y’know.” He continued to twist his ring, bringing one leg up to his chest.

“Um, you think you could get off the ledge?” the man sitting next to him asked. “Wanna talk about what's messing you up?”

He hasn't told anyone what happened to Awsten ever since his funeral. It's been eight months. Eight months of shutting everybody out and nearly losing his job and laying down in their bed all alone. It would probably help to get it out to someone, right?

He shifted, falling backwards onto the roof and then leaning against the ledge. “Well,” he muttered, graciously accepting the water, “If I'm gonna talk about my dead fiancé, can I at least know your names?”

Both men hesitated. Geoff bets they weren't expecting a story like that, especially with how coolly he said it. It might have been the alcohol.

“I'm Otto,” the man next to him said, then pointed to his roommate. “That's Jawn. Listen, you don't have to talk about it of you don't want to-”

“Nah, I've bottled it up too much.” the pain shone in his teary eyes, but he had to get it out. “It all started when I got home from work.”


End file.
